I pulled up Youtube looking for a video to watch in the background as I embarked on some mindless database work on a Wednesday afternoon. I found a video titled Strange Fire and it advertised to critique the “charismatic movement.” I don’t necessarily identify with the charismatic movement, but I absolutely love the charisma and charismata that have been given to me by the lover of my life –Jesus. So I guess that makes me a part of the charismatic movement? Anyways, this video caught my attention because it included Bethel and Crowder in the title –two ministries which I am a part of and I hold them dear to my heart.
I knew that watching this video may be harmful to me because I’m quite sensitive to things like this. But I thought to myself, hey, why not listen to something outside of your circle to see if there is a challenge or insight to be had.
The video was painful to watch! There were five older men going through a list of people and churches and they were critiquing each one by one. They were going so far as to point out that the people who are a part of the ministries were probably not saved and most likely going to hell. The men were using the narrow gate & broad road that Jesus talked about in Matthew as their scriptural reference point.
After watching the video, I felt so dirty and gross. But I honestly started to have thoughts like: maybe I’m wrong? Maybe I am going to hell? Maybe I should not be having as much fun as I do with Jesus. Am I on the broad road? I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was on the broad road.
A few hours go by and I was nearly having a spiritual break down. I cried out to Jesus. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am His sheep and I hear His voice. So I asked Jesus to help me out. I cried out for guidance. If I am wrong, Jesus, please correct me! I will do anything you say. I know you won’t let me go down the wrong path. I know you love me enough to keep me in your way. I left my problem with Jesus and went on my way. After all, I was about to head to dinner in the city, and I was extremely excited for that, so I brushed off and walked to BART.
As I got off BART on Montgomery St. I glanced at my phone and saw a message from my dear fiend, and lover of God, Andrew Chen.
I was walking down 2nd St. crying my eyes out and worshiping in my prayer language. Jesus is alive and He listens to me. He heard my cry and answered me. He silenced my enemies. He was singing and laughing over me. Letting me know that I am His and He is mine. There are few moments in my life when I’ve heard Jesus as clearly as I did tonight.
December 11, 2019